


Broken

by PowerOfThePen



Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Civil-War spoilers, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tw suicidal thoughts/actions, a lot of exposition at first, but it will get better trust me, but like, flawed characters are the best characters, i just really like the idea that Tony is hurting, tw self hate, which sounds terrible
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-07-14 04:12:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7153019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PowerOfThePen/pseuds/PowerOfThePen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn't a change that happened all at once, or at pace that anyone would have ever noticed, but Tont's not invisible. People can see that he's hurting, and they will pass that knowledge to Steve. Make of it what he will...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Can't See the Pieces

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhhhhh okay so this is the first fic in posting on here, literally made an account because I've had this stuck in my head. Civil war just kind of hurt me and now I want to make a fix where it eventually teachers the point where Steve learns this amazing word called compromise. Eventually. This first chapter is 87% exposition I'm sorry I just like to express agony with far too many words. Also the stuff I write isn't necessarily my opinion, it may be the character's opinion reflected through narration ;)

It wasn't a change that happened all at once, or at pace that anyone but JARVIS or Pepper would have ever noticed, but there wasn't a JARVIS around anymore, and neither Vison or FRIDAY were quite the same, and Pepper wasn't nearly as observant anymore. She had given up on keeping up with Tony when he always pushed her help away and threw himself into trouble, but not that it was her fault really, she had done her job to pull Tony together before and to keep Stark Industries on the rise, something that was stressful enough on its own. And so maybe Rhodey could have noticed, but he was paralyzed, and the team altogether might have put together the clues, but they weren't all together were they? Besides, who would want to help _Tony_ , he is after all the cause of countless deaths, he just can't seem to compensate for them with the work of S.I, he couldn't even protect earth right with (see: Ultron), he couldn't seem to get along with the embodiment of American spirit, and in the end, after all, even his own father didn't wan-

"Boss"  
"Yes FRIDAY"  
"Your heart rate has increased by approximately 15%, you asked me to inform you before it reaches 20% when it is my protocol to include said increase in a report to Ms. Potts"  
Tony took another sip of his overly priced glass of scotch and set it heavily on his workshop table. "Right, well, guess I better focus on something less exhilarating than all my shortcomings." He made his way to his computer where he scraped his blueprints for a more durable arc reactor for a suit and started on integration for Rhodey's leg supports in War Machine- something less self indulgent for a man who felt he had been far to indulgent throughout his life.

***

Steve hadn't ever really had too much concern for the alcoholic billionaire Anthony Stark, Iron Man, and he had started to change that view when he caught on to the effects of the abuse his old friend- had they really been friends?- Howard had inflicted onto Tony, and the nightmares Tony had about Afghanistan, alien war troops, and everyone leaving him, voluntary or by death, because he wasn't _good enough_. But the Captain didn't really know about these, he had only a glimpse of their effects, some of which he just pinned as 'Stubborn, arrogant, Stark'. So he had seen the panic attacks, and the desperate need for alcohol that Tony tried so hard to deny, which is why he sent the phone. That and the aliens. Steve knew that Tony could be an as-(language)- ache in the side, but the man was troubled and people could be endangered by the feud if the two didn't at least have the ability to put their differences beside them to unite the Avengers if such a need were to arise.

And any real concern Steve ever had was instantly put on the back burner when he found Bucky, and when Tony had had the audacity to create Ultron. Tony has his problems, but so does everyone else, no excuse to act irresponsibly. _And Tony acted hurt by the secrecy about his parents' death. Howard was his friend too, Tony should know how easy it can be to keep a big, bad, secret, like a civilization ending android_.

But he didn't. For Tony Ultron was supposed to be like a surprise party- _'Surprise, the planet is safe from aliens, I'm not a total disappointment to Captain America, like my dad said'_ -the kind of secret you're supposed to keep. But it didn't work out like that, and Tony broke, the words of his drunken father echoing in his ears.

  
_"See Steve Rogers would have done better. He'd be disappointed in you too. Now leave me alone."_

  
The nightmares had gotten worse and now Tony was alone, not because no one was there, there were still a few survivors from Tony's 'destructive wake', but because Tony pushed them away from seeing him. And that's where he made his biggest mistake. He might have gotten away with staying in his self loathing stupor, but when you develop friendships with world class spies, isolation is just like a big red flag, waving down help.

***

Natasha Romanav wasn't on secretary Ross's good side, but she got along well enough with the SI benefactor of the Avengers compound, and so although she wasn't staying there officially, she was unofficially slipping in and out frequent enough to catch onto said genius' mental state. She knew that Tony was at rock bottom when he pushes everyone away, not that it was hard when the only people he had left were a kid he clearly wanted to take in as his own(so his only indirect content was blatant Tony self loathing), a crippled man, and the red infant android who crippled him. (And Pepper, but she relied on FRIDAY to alert her if the situation was dire and Tony wrote the code, he can change the parameters for "dire" i.e. "It's only dire if my heart has stopped or I'm endangering someone else") So when Rhodey mentioned how "It's so strange Tones really only ever sees me when I'm working through the physical therapy with his legs, I thought he had finally moved past locking himself in his shop for days. Then again, it's not really ever locked, the elevator is just always 'conveniently' out of service, and I'd have to take the non-paralysis friendly stairs to check on him", Natasha knew that something was up with Tony.


	2. A Certain Red Headed Spy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony had been sober for awhile so despite having once had a tolerance for alcohol, his inhibitions have now been lowered to break his walls for a certain red headed spy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyyy so sorry there's such a huge break between the first and second chapter, with really short chapters too but it's kind of hard to write gay fan fiction with a nosy family. This chapter has been done for a while and I just polished it and decided it wasn't cringe worthy. More to come soon. :)

As Natasha slipped into Tony's workshop the first sign of distress were the bottles surrounding the billionaire, as Tony was just that, a billionaire, so cheap tasteless vodka was not expected to be his go-to drink, especially after having been sober. From Tony's perspective he had just grabbed whatever had the highest alcohol concentration, it was a waste of time to just get drunk, but he couldn't focus on doing good without drowning his thoughts. But once Tony had drowned his thoughts in liquor, there had been no reason left in him and he decided to push it all the way, changing FRIDAY's equation for alcohol poisoning detection so that not a word would be sent to Ms.Potts. Tony could finally die like the world seemed so insistent upon. But now there was Black Widow.  
"Tony"  
"Nataaasha? Come to join the party? " Tony slurred, trying to keep his cracking masks up.  
"I think you've had plenty enough of this." And Natasha scooped up any bottles that weren't empty out of Tony's grabby reach, and some that were empty too, just for safe measure.  
"Oh you're no fun."  
"Well you look like you're dying. Tony I know you almost certainly need the medical help that you're going to deny, but I need to know why."  
"Hospitals are such a bore, much better to live life on edge, improvise." The spy had hardly started to push but she could already see his walls slipping.  
"Stark this is most certainly not about living life on the edge. This is you hurdling that freakishly genius brain of yours into its own demise. There are still a few people on this Earth who care about you, and one on Asgard even, and you shut them out, and for their sake you're going to tell me exactly" she leaned down to where Tony was lying, halfway propped up on the floor "why you're doing this to yourself."

Widow didn't think it would get Tony to talk, but it was possible, and his pain in the assiness to everyone else had been a pain for her. She knew if anyone was capable of sewing the Avengers back together it was Tony, and he had plenty of motive to do so, including the recent spike of advanced criminal due to the 'split' (fall) of the Avengers, which would have overwhelming support for modifications of the accords.  
Natasha needed Tony Stark to pull himself together because she couldn't sit by while the world crumbled, but she most certainly wasn't expecting Tony's walls to break so quickly.

"People care about me 'Tasha? You must've had more to drink than me. Didn't you see with the signing of the accords? I reran the scenario in my head as many times as I could, I even let FRIDAY run some analytics on the whole scenario, the accords was the logical choice in that it could still be so easily modified, but Captain Fucking Perfect had his fucking morals and everyone just likes him so they followed. Clint didn't give two flying shits about signing any God damned papers until Mr. Good said 'Hey pal, Tony Stark is doing something wrong again'. All his pals come running then. What about fucking Wanda? All the work I had been making with her PR? She wouldn't have been the fearful menace much longer! But no, apparently helping warm the public up to the thought of a 'Witch', which in history never goes down well, is the equivalent to locking her up. And Steve, my friend? My ass. He fucking hates me Natasha. Why else would he let me see that? My mom, dying, in his friend's grasp. He almost killed me himself. At last second he must've thought about how much better letting me live would send a message. 'Don't fuck with the American principal for Captain Goody Two Shoes will come and fuck you up and leave you' But no wonder my dad liked him better, everyone always likes him. Hell, I liked him! But don't you see? I'm his foil, his opposite, for every saint there is a demon. For every hero, a villain. Forget Red Skull, I taint everything I do simply by doing it. I'm fucking poisonous Nat. Fucking. Poison."  
And at the end of that speech Tony started to gag a little bit, illness threatening to take his body, but Natasha just stood and smirked somberly, Tony had given her more than enough material to work with, but at the same time she knew that couldn't have been all of it, there's always another few layers, and to get this much on the first layer? Tony Stark has a shit load of issues, but that sure as he'll isn't stopping her from bringing the band back together.  
Why is she smiling, is she glad I've become self aware? But no, she also looks sad. Is she going to finally end this villain she once fought beside? That's not very fair to Cap, although he did have his chance at me. Oh why didn't he just smash my face in?

"FRIDAY, email me a video of Tony's wonderful speech"  
Tony stared up at her with shock.  
"What's the purpose of that?"  
"Because I knew if left to your own devices you would end up breaking down your own walls, now I can get you medical help while knowing fully well that I've captured the essence of why you're a wreck to distribute to your friends so they can actually help you. And yes Tony, that includes me and the rest of the Avengers. Like it or not you're stuck with us."  
Tony heard the end of Black Widow's speech as he slowly drifted out of awareness, but was still vaguely aware of vomiting out the contents of his stomach and subsequent care from Natasha. He could distantly hear Pepper's angry concerned mother voice, Rhodey's disappointed but also accepting and understanding voice, and... a flip phone? Who had those anymore? He tried to listen.  
'Hey Cap, it's me Nat'  
'I know I have my own phone, but I figured you'd want to hear this through this one'  
'Look just establish a secure line and I can forward a video to you that explains a lot'  
'Steve you can't possibly be too busy for this'  
And then footsteps, open door, closed door. Tony didn't have long to process what he heard before sleep deprivation, and his heavy hit liver knocked Tony out cold.


	3. Big Green Softie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce makes an appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3! I had a comment about Nat's actions being treacherous to Tony, which I hadn't even thought of so before posting I edited and tried to address that a little in this chapter. Hope you enjoy!

Tony's stomach had been pumped and he had been released from the hospital Nat had dragged him to only for Tony to slip back into his lab and increase the security protocols of F.R.I.D.A.Y.   
"Tony you can't stay in there forever" A thick wall of tinted glass separated Pepper Pots from Tony and his work, but a comm unit installed outside the door meant Tomy could hear her loud and clear.  
"Look Pep," Tony activated his end of the communications line. "I can and you know it. Besides, I'm working on relief kits for victims of tragedies, isn't that something you want for the PR of Stark Industries?" Tony proceeded to roll across the room in his chair to another screen. He looked well kept, and after his 'little alcohol stunt' he had done well to stay clear of alcohol and keep his masks up. 'Everything's Fine™' he had insisted.  
"As great as that is Tony I care about your health more, and anyways, you have a visitor." Tony gave Pepper a look for that, but she left before he could begin to inquire as to who would visit him. Then down the stairs (because Tony had completely shut off the lab elevator, if someone wanted to see him they'd have to put in effort) descended a doctor with a huge Tony soft spot, or is it he resided in one of Tony's soft spots.

"Bruce!" Tony immediately unlocked the lab doors. "My science bro where on earth, or more accurately in the universe now I guess, have you been?"  
Bruce chuckled at Tony's enthusiasm "Just a nice calm place you could say, avoiding Ross and working on a little project. I see you managed to let Steve steal away the Avengers while I was away."  
Tony faltered at the comment, he still internalized all blame to himself.   
"Well I's say it was more of me finally letting go of something I never should have held on to regardless. But that's not important, what is important is that you, my science bro, are back. We should celebrate. Shawarma?" Tony lifted his eyebrows with hopes of having steered clear of the touchy Civil War subject.  
"Tony you're trying to redirect" Steering clear, unsuccessful.  
"Look, Brucey-Bear, I don't want to-"  
"Nat sent me a video." Silence was instilled in Tony. "Do you really think that all the Avengers hate you?"  
"How did she-"  
"F.R.I.D.A.Y.'s surveillance feeds. I know it's an invasion of privacy but F.R.I.D.A.Y. let it happen because she knows you need to talk to people, but an honest spectacle like that could only happen once," Bruce interrupted, he knew what Tony was asking. "And two attempts at misdirection in one conversation. Really?"  
"Yes." Tony's voice was soft and he had turned his back to Bruce, answering both of Bruce's questions in one word.   
"Tony I don't hate you. Nat doesn't hate you. I can't speak for the others with 100% certainly, I'm no  
Charles Xavier, but I can tell you that you have made a family out of the Avengers. From what I can tell the Accords are a matter of legality. I understand you meant well and from what I gather the debacle at the airport was a matter of you trying to keep Ross from hunting down your friends- your family, but I don't think anybody had been in a position to listen objectively to what you had to say, except maybe Natasha, Vision, and T'Challa, and they sides with you didn't they? There was a lot of confusion, and you know Cap, he's good with words. It would have been easy from him to skew the situation so that people would help him get to Sergeant Barnes, and sure you could have been more lenient with letting him finish his business with Barnes, it's not good to be dismissive of flaws on either side, but you wouldn't have needed to go against the law for Steve if he had signed the accords and agreed to work quickly with the law. Don't put all of the blame on yourself pal."  
"I should have just let him go. I shouldn't have reacted when I had known that Barnes was under mind control. "  
"I think it would help if you called Steve"  
"Hell. No." A fire burnt in Tony as he spat the words "I don't need Captain Allgood to help me work through my problems."  
"Nat tried to call him"  
"Let me guess, he knows I'm a waste of his time and didn't want to talk about me"  
"Actually he was in the middle of helping covertly take out a terrorist organization and couldn't receive the video Nat wanted to send, nor could he talk for long. But he genuinely sounded concerned that something was wrong with you. You're not the villain you paint yourself to be." And with that Bruce left Tony to think in his lab. So no one had yet to convince Steve and his secret Avengers to reconcile with Tony, let alone accept that he had a good plan for the accords, and Tony acted like he was fine with that, but acting is very different from feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are very appreciated, writing creatively is a bit new for me :) (especially since the extent of my collegiate level English training is how to read and analyze stories not write them)


	4. Little Birds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawkeye and Falcon

"Clint for once in your goddamned life would you just shut upend listen?" Natasha's voice was sturdy, yet held no hostility as she spoke to her best archer friend over a secure line.  
"You know that's not one of my strong suits Nat" Clint grumbled in response.   
"Look, I get it, you have a family you have to avoids now and you're bitter, but you have to understand Stark did not put you behind bars. And before you make one remark about how I've switched back to his side I haven't taken a side. I have supported my beliefs and at the moment I believe that someone needs to stick up for Stark- for Tony."  
"Yeah but Na-"  
"Ah ah ah, not done. The two of you can talk out your differences over the accords but this mess has left Tony a mess. That man had survived torture with half his chest missing, he has had his own heart ripped out of his chest in his own home, metaphorically and literally in a sense, and he has been tortured by the results of his actions when he has just been trying his best. You and I have spied on him in the tower, don't deny it I've found your nests in the vents, and the lowest we've seen him is nothing compared to what Steve leaving him half alive in the tundra has done to him." Natasha ended, holding strong to the hope that Clint would pull his head out of his ass and gather the other half the avengers to come home and at least try to talk for once, without a deadline.   
"Wait Steve did what?"  
"Did they not tell you?" Natasha did not expect this.  
"He said he didn't want to talk about it. Nat Barnes came back with one arm, and Cap without his shield. We all assumed-"  
"He left it"  
"Wh-"  
"Steve left the shield. Tony wouldn't tell Rhodes, Pepper or I so he resigned to letting us see his pov footage. The suit took some damage so the video wasn't complete but the audio- Clint, Tony saw his parents get murdered by Barnes and then was informed Steve knew about it and chose not to tell Tony. He was angry and started fighting out of anger, and then he was fighting for his life."  
"Nat" Clint's voice sounded distant, in contrast to Natasha's focus voice filled with intent and purpose.  
"Clint"  
"If-" Clint exhaled. "If we, being Team Cap or whatever, had stopped at any point and talked things through with your half of the team, would it have been possible for this mess to have been avoided?"  
Natasha paused. She didn't like the truth either.  
"Yes, it's not certain but in all likelihood had everyone been focused together Zemo would have been caught and apprehended sooner"  
"I'm gonna talk to Sam."  
"Why?"  
"He's closer to Steve than me nowadays, and he can convince the team to head home, Tony's not the only one a little distraught about this mess. You think these accords can be worth talking about?"  
"If you let Tony listen for the amendments you all want so he can work towards their ratification like he originally said."  
"I don't think Steve ever mentioned that part." Clint sounded wistful as he hung up. The conversation was over. He still wasn't 100% about Tony's actions not the accords, but at least he wasn't 100% about Steve's actions either. And he really did want to go home.

The secret avengers operations we run from motel rooms and were very discreet. The goal was basically to flip the bird-not Hawkeye nor Falcon, the finger- at the accords and also take out global threats, anything worthy of the Avengers' time. Clint had taken his call with Black Widow outside. Steve had found a scrap yard to work out in, Wanda was hiding in a local library. Clint didn't know the whereabouts of Scott but he knew Sam was in the motel room tinkering on redwing, the perfect opportunity to talk.  
"Sam"  
"Uh? Oh hey Clint. Who was calling?"  
"Natasha."  
"Hm. What did she need or what did she convince you to believe."  
"I'm hurt, can't two friends just call to catch up."  
"Two super spy friends on opposite sides of a huge gorge going through their whole group of friends?"  
"Well you have little faith in my wit, she didn't convince me anything without solid facts and my own decisions."  
"So when are you gonna tell me I need to convince the team to head back to New York?" Clint sighed. Sam knew him, or at least Natasha, better than he thought.  
"Look, I can sense the tension, aside from Scott we all want to go home, well Scott wants to go home but he's never had a home with the Avengers yet. Stark's a wreck, apparently real bad, Natasha wouldn't let me watch security footage of how bad but I know she's got it and will try to use it on Steve. I think there could be potential for the accords. Apparently Steve forgot to mention how willing Stark was to push for amendments to the accords, and he wasn't the one to call for our arrest."  
"I get it, I'm sure Wanda would head back in a heart beat if she would be promised safety and the comfort of talking to Vision about her weird ass powers. Scott just wants to see his daughter. I'm ready to be home, you are too, but Steve's the stickler here. He says the whole operation is about global safety but we're doing the work that legal agencies could do and I'm sure you've noticed we don't leave more than a 1k miles from Wakanda's borders. He's worked so hard to get Bucky just to let him go."  
"Yeah he's worked hard and been willing to lay other lives on the line. Has it really been worth it?" Clint's words resonated with bitter feelings.  
"You knew what you signed up for Clint"  
"But did Tony?" Clint felt his own demeanor shift. He hadn't thought the words yet he knew it's exactly what he wanted to say, Sam likely didn't know. As Clint spoke again his voice was almost a whisper "Did he sign up for watching Bucky murder his parents?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Sorry if the quality's a little meh I'm still not a great writer but I am trying. (See now if there was a fanfiction or fanart media type involving math or science I could ace that, but for now I am but a humble writing bean)


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